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| Detroit Free Press, May 26, 1866 |
Euphemisms are a beautiful thing because they allow even a respectable outlet such as the Detroit Free Press (Haha! As if! Foisted upon respectability anyhow.) to call somebody a whore with possibly the most ambiguous word relating to the oldest profession. The old Cyprian! Surely one could also mean a specie of bee, the worship of Aphrodite, an inhabitant of Cyprus or even the Carthaginian bishop-martyr known by that very name. Capitalized, of course. Always capitalized except when referring to a trollop.
Anyway, some prostitutes were getting drunk with some Johns on Shelby Street and after the gin and beer had flowed all morning, Lizzie and Hattie went to "Europe" or out to get the former her sea legs back from the rollicking within and soon enough she passed out under a maple tree holding the latter woman's gold watch for safe-keeping while the latter slept in a nearby bush.
Lo! When Lizzie awakened a red-haired, copper-faced monster man with a head the size of the moon was upon her! Was it the Nain Rouge? Le Loup Garou? Rocky Dennis? It was only a visage. A shade. A spirit of the spirits. A thief in the night.
Whatever it was it took Hattie's watch and the owner, being the shrewd business woman that she was, took Lizzie to court. Said court cited a lack of evidence and intent to convict. The annals of time confer a similar conclusion on all accounts. Therewith resides that thing referred to as folklore. Another euphemism contained within itself where humbug formerly resided.
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